Sleep did not come easily that night. I woke up very early and was afraid to go back to sleep and see the vivid brown faces that have so occupied my dreams lately. I could make out the blueish-grey light poking in through my blinds. I knew the sun had not come up but it was on its way. The Sun! How I needed the sun to shine on my face. Maybe it would warm my heart as it did my cheeks.
I carefully climbed out of bed and tucked the covers back over the sleeping snowman. I wrapped myself in my big robe, a blanket and for added comfort grabbed my scriptures.
The air was cold but fresh and it filled my lungs that burned from so much crying. Sitting in a chair, I opened up my scriptures. My friend had sent me a scripture reference to help me deal with everything. I would read it again. My red, swollen eyes tried to focus on the page.
D&C:6
20 ... I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.
I can feel them, they feels good
22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
Lots of questions that I always felt got answered. Why do I doubt now?
Lots of questions that I always felt got answered. Why do I doubt now?
23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?
He speaks to me, he is speaking to me. He know me.
I can not read through the tears that have returned. How can I have any left?
The sun is not up yet. I need the sun and search the horizon for any sign. Which peak will is come over? I find the brightest point. It must be there.
I watch my dog sleeping under the slide. She does not know I am here or else she would get up and jump around for me. She is peaceful. I want to feel peaceful. A little voice coaxes me to read more.
He speaks to me, he is speaking to me. He know me.
I can not read through the tears that have returned. How can I have any left?
The sun is not up yet. I need the sun and search the horizon for any sign. Which peak will is come over? I find the brightest point. It must be there.
I watch my dog sleeping under the slide. She does not know I am here or else she would get up and jump around for me. She is peaceful. I want to feel peaceful. A little voice coaxes me to read more.
...Therefore, if you will ask of me you shall receive; if you will knock it shall be opened unto you...
Behold thou hast a gift, and blessed art thou because of thy gift. Remember it is sacred and cometh from above—
It amazes me that He knows me so well. It is a testimony to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I look for the Sun. It is still not up. I know it will come up. It has to. It always did. I see the horizon getting brighter. Small rays of light are shining forth. Still no Sun?
It amazes me that He knows me so well. It is a testimony to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I look for the Sun. It is still not up. I know it will come up. It has to. It always did. I see the horizon getting brighter. Small rays of light are shining forth. Still no Sun?
And if thou wilt inquire, thou shalt know mysteries which are great and marvelous; therefore thou shalt exercise thy gift, that thou mayest find out mysteries, that thou mayest bring many to the knowledge of the truth, yea, convince them of the error of their ways...
Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.
Behold, thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy mind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been enlightened by the Spirit of truth;
Why have I doubted? What is making me doubt? Who is making me doubt?
The rays are brighter but still no sun. I know it is there. How can this be? I have been out here waiting so long. The birds are chirping at the rays of light. They are waiting too. They know it is coming.
My dog wakes up stretches. She knows it is time for the day to begin. She sees me on the deck and is confused why I am out here.
Why have I doubted? What is making me doubt? Who is making me doubt?
The rays are brighter but still no sun. I know it is there. How can this be? I have been out here waiting so long. The birds are chirping at the rays of light. They are waiting too. They know it is coming.
My dog wakes up stretches. She knows it is time for the day to begin. She sees me on the deck and is confused why I am out here.
I tell thee these things as a witness unto thee—that the words or the work which thou hast been writing are true.
Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
...Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.
Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven. Amen.
I must be a lot like Olivery Cowdery. It seems as if I always end up being prompted to read revelation originally for him. I am fearful of things. I am worried about making the wrong decisions and going the wrong direction on this. I usually have so much Faith in myself. But I know He knows my heart and He knows what I am capable of. Maybe I will end up surprising myself. Maybe this is just because he has so much confidence in me. Maybe I can do this.
I sit and ponder what I have read, what He has said to me. I have no doubt that he is speaking to me. I wait and wait for the sun to rise. It is getting cold. The tears on my cheeks freeze. No sun.
I should go back in. The kids will be waking up soon.
I go back in, shed my rob and crawl into my warm bed. Snowman wakes up and we chat a little. The studman comes in with his morning smile and crawls in with us. We giggle and laugh at his happy personality. I look out the window. The sun shines bright above the peaks, right where I had known it would come up. Its warm through the windows.
Understanding comes. I am enlightened.
My sun will rise. It may take longer then I anticipate but before I know it, it will happen. Until then I have tiny rays of light to give me hope and renew my faith. My sun will rise.
I must be a lot like Olivery Cowdery. It seems as if I always end up being prompted to read revelation originally for him. I am fearful of things. I am worried about making the wrong decisions and going the wrong direction on this. I usually have so much Faith in myself. But I know He knows my heart and He knows what I am capable of. Maybe I will end up surprising myself. Maybe this is just because he has so much confidence in me. Maybe I can do this.
I sit and ponder what I have read, what He has said to me. I have no doubt that he is speaking to me. I wait and wait for the sun to rise. It is getting cold. The tears on my cheeks freeze. No sun.
I should go back in. The kids will be waking up soon.
I go back in, shed my rob and crawl into my warm bed. Snowman wakes up and we chat a little. The studman comes in with his morning smile and crawls in with us. We giggle and laugh at his happy personality. I look out the window. The sun shines bright above the peaks, right where I had known it would come up. Its warm through the windows.
Understanding comes. I am enlightened.
My sun will rise. It may take longer then I anticipate but before I know it, it will happen. Until then I have tiny rays of light to give me hope and renew my faith. My sun will rise.
BEAUTIFUL!
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