The world of adoption

I had no idea that entering the world of adoption would be such a roller coaster. Especially, the adoptions that we have been lead to. We stand at a crossroads of two different international adoptions. Neither one of them have been "normal" even for international standards.
In Haiti, we do not know the children and need to be matched. We thought we were getting them through Humanitarian Visa but then the government changed to the pre-earthquake ways of doing things and now I start the paperwork over again and have to wait longer.
In Ghana, I am looking at two boys who I know and fell in love with in an instant. They are sweet, and have been through a lot in their young lives. They are everything that the savior teaches us to be. Only now, things have come out about the person they were with and all the lies he told and horrible things he has done. Social Welfare has shut down the orphanage ( rightly so!) But he took those two beautiful boys and hid them somewhere so no one could find them.
My heart has been paining me for days. It has a big empty spot in it. I want to jump on a plane to Ghana and go look for myself.

The only thing I can do is have Faith and Pray.

Other people have asked me why I don't just adopt nationally or even foster, it so much easier. I agree and I know it is (don't get me wrong, it's still hard, I know). That would be great if that was what I was supposed to do. I have prayed about that and I am not being lead in that direction. A "stupor of thought" comes over me.

Somehow, we are supposed to go down this bumpy road.

I have not blogged about much of this on my family blog, but I felt I needed to write something now. You can read more that I have written here. I ask for prayers for us, for the missing boys and for the children of Haiti. All of which I am unsure of the exact connection but SURE of a connection.

I have doubted from time to time and laid blame on myself that I have lead my family down this road only because of my own desires. Every time I get to that point I have distinct moments of knowing I need to go on with this journey and being lifted by those familiar feelings of tender encouragement from above. I am sorry it is not turning out how we would of imagined but I am still being told to carry on. I know this is a trail of our faith.

Some people might wonder why I use this very public outlet for spiritual things. I have learned that adoption is a very spiritual thing and I could not write or talk about it without being so. I feel extremly close to the Him and that is how I know I am doing His will. I write because it helps me process, it keeps my family and friends informed, and I hope that it may help others that are traveling down this road too. It is my testimony and I will not be afraid to share it.