Only myself as company

WARNING: IF YOU WANT A HAPPY POST THIS IS NOT IT. I AM VENTING. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE, READ SOMETHING ELSE. OTHER WISE CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED AND PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Its was hard to be released from the RS presidency in December. Harder then I thought it would be. I had gotten very use to meeting with my gals every Thursday, knowing who needed what, visiting everyone, taking meals into all the sister going through trials. It became a way of life, almost like breathing.
But then you are released and called to teach 4 years old about he gospel. Not only is it a struggle to have 12 four year old for two hours and try to teach them something. I also struggled not knowing what was going on with the women in the ward. I am not even in RS on Sundays so I have no Idea who is doing anything exciting, who is struggling nor do I get time to speak to anyone. I am not saying I am going crazy because I want to put my nose in every ones business, its just that there is a strong sense of sisterhood in the RS and I have lost that connection. So I've been lonely.
Now, I am really going to sound like a whiner because I at least had a few BFF's who called and we hung out quite a bit, especially when I felt lonely. Now they work full time. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I am blessed to be able to stay at home and be with my kids and that R has provided enough that I did not need to work. But those friends are not available to me anymore. So I became lonelier.
Then, two weeks ago R was called to be the Stake Executive Secretary. I am excited for this chance he will have to serve with great men and have some great experiences. However, Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday I am now a single mom. Not to mention that when he is home he is still so full of stress for work and his calling that I am basically an inanimate object. So my loneliness is in overdrive.
Will I get into a groove and find a balance again when things aren't so new and overwhelming? Is this the new way of life?
I thought I had become this really strong person but I feel very week lately. I feel so much pressure to keep the happy face for my families sake and then beat myself up for failing and snapping at someone. My cookie jar is empty but everyone just keeps taking from it somehow. I am tired of trying to be everything for everyone, consider everyone and then stay one step ahead of everyone so that when they need something, I forsee it and "ala peanut butter sandwhiches" I already have the solution. (I am sure you moms know what I am talking about here.)
On top of that, I wish I had some sort of skill and time to use it so that I could make some money and take a little stress off R shoulders. Especailly since we have all the extra expenses of our adoption right now.
I am trying to find my balance again. I wrote out a daily schedule of everything but some days I just feel so Blah. I am not a "why me" kind of gal so what is my problem!
I have to hold back tears and any signs that I am struggling because I am the mom. Nothing good comes from the mom breaking down and losing it...ever. Which builds the pressure inside and makes it worse, I know, I know.
Well, there you go everyone. Now you know what a baby I am.
Time to try and get my act together for the day. After all it's Thursday, so I am all I have.

I have few shirt left over from the fundraiser. They are $5 each and it all goes to orphans in Haiti!Let me know if you want one.

To see the shirts look on this link. The logo was done my talented Sister-in-law Anj.

I am waiting for the gong to go boom and hit me smack dab in the kisser.

Everyone warned me about the huge road blocks of an international adoption. I feel ready and prepared for those things to happen but every time I expect it ...it's smooth sailing. On top of everything, I have so many people coming out of the woodwork who sincerely care for the children of Ghana and hope to assist me in whatever means possible to get Big Man and Little Man home. It feels like the world is shrinking in size and is not as big as it once was. I am not deceiving myself, I am still prepared for this all to hit a major road block but I have faith that these are our kids and Heavenly Father wants them with their family ASAP. He is opening doors and using great people to assist us in getting this done. I think the road we took and the heartache we felt in finding them paved the way for us to be ready to handle everything now. Maybe it was just to help us see that this is truly his will so that when we could get frustrated, we remain strong and hopeful. I think all my experience since I first saw them until now have given me a firm foundation to stand on. Somethings can not be denied. Somethings can not be explained, only to say that they are the mysterious ways in which the Lord works to bring to pass that which He will.

Flower Power Pops!

If anyone else has the same problem I do then you also get frustrated when you spend lots of time or lots of money on a birthday cake that no one really eats. Your little guest eat one bite of cake, all the ice cream and then they leave the table. So I decided to make these instead. Brownie pops. Super easy but still a little time consuming. However, each kid took one and ate the whole thing! Problem solved! The leftovers (it makes a ton) I made little bouquets with and delivered to special people on mothers day. None of it went to waste. Vera loved them because they looked fancy and tasted great.
I also ended up making them for our fundraiser and we sold quiet a few. I just put a sucker bag on top before I put the paper flower on.

Easy Breezy Recipe
1 brownie mix (family size)
1 can cream cheese frosting
Almond bark or dipping chocolate
Sprinkles or small candy like nerds
sucker or kabob sticks
wax paper

Bake brownies. Let cool. Mix up brownies in large bowl with frosting. Roll into small balls. Poke a stick into each ball. Freeze for 3 hours. Melt chocolate in double boiler. Stick end of stick into chocolate then insert in pre-poked hole of ball. Let sit a few seconds. Dip ball (now fastened to stick) into chocolate. Cover completely, dip end in bowl of sprinkles and onto wax paper (sprinkle side down). Let sit till cool. Enjoy

Oh, you may want to only pull a few out of the freezer at a time so they don't thaw to fast. they are easier to work with the more frozen they are.

Cleaning up ...real nice!

Okay, so I have been dying to put pictures on here of my Little Ghana men. So Tah Duh...Here they are looking so snazzy in their new Sunday best. Kudos to MameGhana and PapaGhana for picking the red power ties. My favorite color for a tie. Look how handsome Big Man is! He is going to be running a boardroom someday or maybe even be the President of good ol' US of A.
This look of admiration is not uncommon with Little Man. HE. LOVES. HIS. BIG.BROTHER. I have a few pictures were he just looks at him so content and proud. I am proud! I am SOOOOOO Proud. R and I were thinking just last night...How much will they remember? We tried to think of the detail we remember from our own lives when we were their ages. Even living with their foster family now is a huge lifestyle change. The hustle and bustle of the big city is so different from the squaller were they came from. I think it will make the culture shock of coming to America a little easier for them.
Wonderul PapaGhana sent me primary pictures too. I am grateful for the gospel and the constant it brings with it. They will go to primary in Ghana and go to primary in America. Songs will be the same, lessons will be the same, structure will be the same. That is huge blessing to us.
Vera sent an email to PapaGhana, unbeknowist to R and I. I did not realize until he responded to her. She thanked him for taking care of her brothers and told him she already loved them so much. It made me cry. My children never cease to amaze me. I am so blessed to be the mother of such wonderful kids.
I am also so grateful for technology. I can get a hold of PapaGhana in a matter of seconds. He is able to send me pictures he just took that morning. Even though I am far away I have moments that I am able to feel very close to them.
I am grateful!
I am happy!
Life is Good!

Celebrating Mothers

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
This mothers day I celebrate my own sweet mother who gave birth to me, raised me through trailing circumstances and helped make me who I am today.
I also celebrate the Best.Mother.in.Law.anyone.could.ask.for. She is one of my biggest supporters and greatest friends. I never feel judged by her or "not good enough" in anyway. I LOVE HER!
I am blessed with a Nana who loves the heck out of me. She is a huge blessing in my life.
I have Aunts and good friends who have filled the role of "Mother" here and there, through out my life. I am thinking of them too, today.
But this Mothers Day holds a special meaning to me because of a new mother in my life. MameGhana, who watches over my little Ghana men. She has no obligation to do it. Except that she feels it is the right thing to do. She is my sister. I am grateful to her. The first time I spoke to her I was overcome with tears. She said "No worries. No worries, I will take care of your boys for you until you can come." Her voice is like an angel to me. Today when I made my Sunday call they put the boys on. It was the first time I spoke to them since I was in Ghana. The first time I ever even heard their voices because they did not speak much at LH. I don't even know if they remember me. They said "Hello, mummy. How are you" It was the greatest Mothers Day gift they could have given me. Thank you MameGhana.
I am trying to prepare myself for the long road ahead. I have had an extreme amount of excitement and happiness but I know that getting those boys will be one of the hardest trials of my life. Each day seems like a week. But my calls each Sunday will get me through to the next.
It's a good day.Happy Mothers Day!

A new identity

So I have thought about what to call my little men. I don't know why I did not think of it sooner. It was obvious from the very start because I used these names in Ghana since I did not know their names. They will be referred to as Little Man and Big Man.
Things are slowly starting to happen. It has been tricky trying to communicate with people on the other side of the world. I think we are getting the timing worked out. I am assembling a good team to help me.
I heard great news today! My Men know who I am. They know they have a mommy in America that loves them and that I will come and see them ASAP. They also have been informed that they will fly in a aeroplane to America when Mommy gets all the paper work done. They are so excited to fly into the sky! They know they have a family waiting to shower them with love.
I am so blessed to know that they see my face and the word "mama" may fall form their lips. I stand all amazed! I know who's hands are arranging the pieces. I am grateful that He would give me this honor of raising the two most awesomest kids in Africa. I almost can't believe it.
Papa Ghana and Mama Ghana are wonderful ( Foster Daddy and Mommy)! Papa Ghana told me some funny stories today of Little Man. He is a handful but so fun and full of life, just as I remember him. Big Man is struggling because he does not feel to good. I am not sure there has ever been a day that he was not in pain. He now has a team of people who care for him and can help him get better. They are both doing so well and adjusting to their safe environment. I am so grateful to know that we have so much support both in Ghana and here.

African Snows

My heart is full of joy as I write this blog entry. I don't know where to begin except to say that I have never been so aware that the Lord is so aware of me.
I have blogged about my journey to find my children on my other blog but now that I know, without a doubt, what the Lord has been telling me, I will blog about it here, on our family blog because they are our family now.
R and I have had some experiences this weekend that have testified that the Ghana boys are to be ours. (More people will be reading this blog so I have taken their names and our other children's names out. My two Ghana boys still need aliases but I am trying to be creative with that.) I have spoken to their beautiful Foster Mother and she has assured me that she will love them like her own so I have no worries until I can come and get them.
We are filing papers this week. I want to share more thoughts about this but it's Monday and I have been waiting (not very patiently) to get a hold of some of the key players in this journey and get everything rolling. So this entry will be short.
I will say that I have grown so much in the past 4 months of my life. I see things differently and I know my perspectives have changed and evolved as the trails of the past have taught me. I was not ready 4 month ago to take on this adventure but I wanted to be and Heavenly Father has shaped me and pruned me to be ready. I know we are still going to stand on rocky ground here and there but I know the outcome because He has let me see it. And IT.IS.SO.WORTH.IT!
I will stand steadfast and immovable and have faith that day will come. And when it does we will celebrate...GHANA STYLE!